The dominant sassoo, the weak sons and the suffering bahus

For sassoo, read dominant mother-in-law and 'bahu' means daughter-in-law

For many 'working class' East African Asians who used to live in the "sakati", the communal compound or enclosure, the antics of the dominant sassoo made hilarious stories, though not for the seriously undermined 'bahoo' or the daughter-in-laws. In fact the sassoo was ever prevalent - she was not just a working class demon. The sassoo thrived on the functions and values of the extended family which gave her the power and the influence in every band of socio-economic Asian society in the East Africa that I remember. Only some sassoos used their power with control and led happier lives.

The sassoo was a political maestro. She made sure that her dominance was felt only by the daughter-in-law without creating any negative 'vibes' for the sasur, the father-in-law or for her sons. She was astute enough to ensure that her husband always saw her as the benevolent custodian of the family purse and welfare. She was the empress and the queen in equal measure. She was chief accountant and strategist without a business plan.

The sassoo was a psychological manipulator. She played on the fears and insecurities of the daughter-in-law. In one case, she ensured that where the daughter-in-law was driven to subservience by her inability to produce a male offspring; she acquired additional powers to extract favours and services from the daughter-in-law. The option of sending the young daughter-in-law back to India was always kept alive. The sassoo had considerable power over the son, who wanted a son and was prepared to send the helpless wife back to her parents. In another family, a replacement wad been known to have been procured in the form of the daughter-in-law's sister.

The sassoo was also a tyrant. She devised the domestic workplan for her 'labourers', the bahus.. Work was piled on to fill the time available to the bahu. It kept her out of mischief and ensured that she did not have the time to plot against the sassoo.

In one case, the sassoo had five sons. She would have a bath in the morning. She used to come into the sakati with her wet hair and immediately summon a daughter-in-law to dry her hair. Another 'slave' was deployed to massage her back and legs. A third girl was ordered to cook a light snack and sweet tea, while daughter-in-law number four was put in charge of all the children, including her co-bahus'. After lunch time, the sassoo was tired and needed a rest but before she fell asleep in the sun, she had a daughter-in-law put up a makeshift tent where she slept with well punctuated snoring. Daughter-in-law number five was the best cook. She had to prepare the evening meal on most evenings.

By late afternoon, the sassoo's operational regime started to change. She became benevolent. She urged her daughter-in-laws to go and have a wash, dress up very smartly and put on bright make-up for their husbands. She wanted her sons to see happy and cheerful wives. It was not out of order to issue a final reprimand to any bahu who had crossed her path. The worst punishment was suspense- will the sassoo complain to the sons about the deviant behaviour of their wives while they had been at work? Even worse was the husband's response. On some days he supported his wife by ignoring the sassoo. On most days, the son thought it appropriate to insult his wife in the sassoo's presence... there was always time to make up later in the night.

When the sassoo became ill, the bahus established a well co-ordinated nursing programme. All worked in shared contempt for the sassoo and many a time they caught each other thinking of the bliss that was about to descend upon them when the sassoo would finally die. And when the sassoo did pass away, the bahus had to orchestrate their weeping and wailing. What would the people in the 'biradari' or the society say if the sassoo's death was not mourned with loud wails over prolonged periods?

The family in my story had serious problems when the sassoo died. After a few months, the bahus threw off their yokes of misery and subservience and started to assert themselves. The sons found themselves driven to support their wives. The household broke up. The sassoo's tyranny had also been the cementing bond in the family. After her death, the bahus would have no reason to tolerate each other. The sons went to look for separate houses where they would live independently for the rest of their lives.

There was the slight problem of the surviving sasur, or the widowed father-in-law. Which of the sons were prepared to 'adopt' him? It was a life-long committment.

This is a real story but was brought to the surface when I read this case on the BBC website http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/5210060.stm.

Were East African Asians Racists?

Please note that the emphasis of this question is on the past.

This question has been raised many times before. It reflects a realisation by younger Asians that perhaps their parents were racists, judging by the way that some of them treated their domestic workers or 'house boys'. Domestic workers were a key resource and made a major difference to the quality of life of the Asians. These workers made sure that the houses were clean, the Asians' clothes were properly washed and ironed, cars were kept in smart and gleaming condition and gardens were well maintained - all to bring credit to the owners.

Despite these benefits, many domestic workers did not earn much money in certain households and had to be satisfied with the poor terms and conditions of work or leave. Others did rather well especially when they ended up working for the more prosperous Asians in the community. However, this was no guarantee as some earned a pittance regardless of where they worked. In the absence of a minimum wage stipulation by the African Governments, domestic workers were exposed to exploitation.

Allegations of racism were not made at that time - when the majority of the Asians were still living in the EA countries. It appears that the Asians became more aware and sensitive to racism when they were themselves exposed to real or perceived insult by virtue of the colour of their skin in the UK, Canada and US in the early stages of these migrations from 1968 onwards.

House workers were not allowed to get involved in the cutting and cooking of food. In some households, the workers were even barred from entering the kitchen. It had less to do with race, cleanliness and hygiene but more to do with the religious mindset of the Asian housewife. Many were strict vegetarians and believers in puritanical approaches to the practice of their faiths. They were entitled to practice their religions as they wished but the implication was that an African domestic worker would "pollute" the food if they were to touch it. There was a strong notion of "sooch" or purity that it also barred non-vegetarians, smokers and even Asian men who had not had a bath from touching the food in their own homes. The followers of these doctrines of sooch were mainly older Hindu and Sikh men and women. It goes without saying that they extended these rules to other environments, such as work and community as well.

Most Asians were very generous when they discarded their old clothes and other household items. The houseworker had the first choice! However, the same person was barred from using the Asian's crockery, cutlery and drinking glasses because of the impositions made mainly by older housewives and mothers. I remember one domestic worker drinking tea from a newly opened tin can with sharp jagged edges. Others were required to hold on to their own drinking utensils and to produce them only when asked.

Racist acts were easy to justify by the Asians when the victim was seen to be a threat to the sanctity of the Asian household. However, the relationship changed when men had to work with African workers outside the house. There was generally no problem. This is where the problem of racism appears to unique in East Africa. The Asians were not advocating racist pratices in the open environment.

How would the community cope with this allegation today? The idea of holding on to "truth asnd reconciliation" would be attractive but did the perpetrators of these racist acts, mostly the older Asian women, have any idea that some of their men had 'dangerous liaisons' with African women outside the home? It goes without saying that there is some possibility that at least a few Asian men had no choice but to leave their 'mixed-race' children behind in East Africa when they had to migrate to the West. This is a secret that will remain with them until they die.

Highlighting East African Asian Leaders 1

Celebrating East African Asians as leaders

Let us challenge the notion of leadership! It is not just about people who make it good in business or those who become political or religious leaders in furthering their own agendas or seeking support to serve any popular or unpopular cause. Many natural leaders may even work, innovate and contribute without seeking the mantle of leadership. There are others who do not even recognise that they are leaders! They just put their heads down and just get on with delivery.

Ruth and Andy DeSouza, based in New Zealand have launched the AEN Journal July 3rd , providing a space for intelligent and critical discussion on issues facing ethnic communities in New Zealand. Launched by Race Relations Commissioner Joris de Bres at the Human Rights Commission's Auckland Office, the speakers included Dr Ashraf Choudry (Labour party MP), Pansy Wong ( National party MP), Ruth DeSouza and Andy Williamson (Editors) and the Reverend Mua Strickson-Pua. The journal features articles written by key thinkers in the ethnic sector in New Zealand and overseas.

This is an open-access online publication. Its aim is to offer a refreshing and challenging new perspective on what's going on in ethnic communities. Issue 1 of the AEN Journal is available athttp://journal.aen.org.nz/ and includes a Guest Editorial by the Race Relations Commissioner and articles by Maori Party Co-leader Tariana Turiaand Mervin Singham, Director of the Office of Ethnic Affairs. It features a viewpoint on the Palestine-Israel problem from a New Zealand Jew and a New Zealand Muslim. International contributions come from UK-based psychiatrist Suman Fernando, discussing racism in the mental health system, and US-based human rightswriter Amy West. West challenges New Zealand to ensure our Immigration Act review is balanced; “changes made to protect borders from perceived terror threats come at a high cost to the safety and future of refugees.” Tze Ming Mok and Kumanan Rasanathan provide an edgy and humorous discussion on labels and how they can be used strategically to obtain resources but risk 'siloing' and homogenising groups.

Contributors to Issue 1 include: - Joris de Bres, Race Relations Commissionner- Tariana Turia MP, Co-leader of the Mâori Party- Mervin Singham, Director of the Office of Ethnic Affairs- Dave Moskovitz: The Israel – Palestine Problem: The perspective of a NewZealand Progressive Jew- Anjum Rahman: The Israel – Palestine Problem: The perspective of a New Zealand Muslim- Andy Williamson and Ruth DeSouza: Representing Ethnic Communities in theMedia- Suman Fernando (UK): Stigma, racism and power- Amy West (US): Seeking Asylum- Kate Woodd: Cultural diversity and context-Tze Ming Mok and Kumanan Rasanathan: Should we be pushing for a Ministry ofAsian Affairs, a Ministry of Ethnic Affairs, or neither? A ‘Socratic’ ‘dialogue’ between two ‘Asians’- Rev. Mua Strickson-Pua aka REV MC: Pasifika Hip Hop Poetry Doing the Healing.

I have been thinking about developing a 'Socratic' dialogue on a issue that interests me and have had some questions about its viability as a vehicle for expression. I will read the last article first!
I am sure East African readers will join me in congratulating Ruth and Andy for their commitment, energy and leadership in bringing this new publication to the market. The fact that it is available online without a charge is a reflection of their selfless approach to their work. I will also provide links to their work in future posts.

Lets first talk to East Africans before we offer aid!

Ought we not first consult with East African educational leaders?

One thing is very clear. We, the 'wahindi' loved the schools we went to in Kampala, Nairobi and other towns in East Africa. Judging by my private mail, I should be able to pursuade quite a few readers to write about their own experiences in future posts. There are already several websites which feature history and nostalgia but also stories of achievement.

There is an overwhelming desire to 'help' schools, and East African education in general. There is not much clarity on what help should be offered and how it should be made available. The problem with offering 'handouts' is that we may raise high expectations of the results and benefits of any support that is provided. A greater problem is that sporadic support may also demean the recipients and undermine the ownership of change.

What is needed is an ongoing, well researched programme of collaboration, not ocassional handouts. African governments, large international donors and sponsors are already paying for programmes of education although more support can be justified to improve the quality of core provision.

What may be also necessary is that East African Asians, who now live abroad, should consider funding the incremental areas aimed at providing a richer educational experience, reward for character development and leadership and promoting access to open learning, to think of a few examples. However, before we embark on fund-raising initiatives or start tapping other fundraisers, we need to talk to East African educationists, headteachers, school governing bodies and other local potential partners. What do they need to improve the current educational provision? Much as money tends to be the preferred medium of support, many educational institutions may also welcome support in kind - equipment and expertise.

There is a need to ask East African educational leaders and innovators to help us identify their needs and priorities. We need to create a mechanism to receive their feedback and to assess their responses by using suitable criteria. Perhaps the answer lies in working with our embassies, aid agencies and donor departments of Governments in the UK, US, Canada and elsewhere.

Whatever we do, if there is still a wish to support African education, lets move away from tokenism to collaboration, partnership and engagement.

Let us first talk to the East Africans who are now in charge and who recognise their priorities better than we do. The alternative is to send small amounts of money but continually challenge their probity. Let us not punish them for the failure of some of their politicians.