The dominant sassoo, the weak sons and the suffering bahus
For sassoo, read dominant mother-in-law and 'bahu' means daughter-in-law
For many 'working class' East African Asians who used to live in the "sakati", the communal compound or enclosure, the antics of the dominant sassoo made hilarious stories, though not for the seriously undermined 'bahoo' or the daughter-in-laws. In fact the sassoo was ever prevalent - she was not just a working class demon. The sassoo thrived on the functions and values of the extended family which gave her the power and the influence in every band of socio-economic Asian society in the East Africa that I remember. Only some sassoos used their power with control and led happier lives.
The sassoo was a political maestro. She made sure that her dominance was felt only by the daughter-in-law without creating any negative 'vibes' for the sasur, the father-in-law or for her sons. She was astute enough to ensure that her husband always saw her as the benevolent custodian of the family purse and welfare. She was the empress and the queen in equal measure. She was chief accountant and strategist without a business plan.
The sassoo was a psychological manipulator. She played on the fears and insecurities of the daughter-in-law. In one case, she ensured that where the daughter-in-law was driven to subservience by her inability to produce a male offspring; she acquired additional powers to extract favours and services from the daughter-in-law. The option of sending the young daughter-in-law back to India was always kept alive. The sassoo had considerable power over the son, who wanted a son and was prepared to send the helpless wife back to her parents. In another family, a replacement wad been known to have been procured in the form of the daughter-in-law's sister.
The sassoo was also a tyrant. She devised the domestic workplan for her 'labourers', the bahus.. Work was piled on to fill the time available to the bahu. It kept her out of mischief and ensured that she did not have the time to plot against the sassoo.
In one case, the sassoo had five sons. She would have a bath in the morning. She used to come into the sakati with her wet hair and immediately summon a daughter-in-law to dry her hair. Another 'slave' was deployed to massage her back and legs. A third girl was ordered to cook a light snack and sweet tea, while daughter-in-law number four was put in charge of all the children, including her co-bahus'. After lunch time, the sassoo was tired and needed a rest but before she fell asleep in the sun, she had a daughter-in-law put up a makeshift tent where she slept with well punctuated snoring. Daughter-in-law number five was the best cook. She had to prepare the evening meal on most evenings.
By late afternoon, the sassoo's operational regime started to change. She became benevolent. She urged her daughter-in-laws to go and have a wash, dress up very smartly and put on bright make-up for their husbands. She wanted her sons to see happy and cheerful wives. It was not out of order to issue a final reprimand to any bahu who had crossed her path. The worst punishment was suspense- will the sassoo complain to the sons about the deviant behaviour of their wives while they had been at work? Even worse was the husband's response. On some days he supported his wife by ignoring the sassoo. On most days, the son thought it appropriate to insult his wife in the sassoo's presence... there was always time to make up later in the night.
When the sassoo became ill, the bahus established a well co-ordinated nursing programme. All worked in shared contempt for the sassoo and many a time they caught each other thinking of the bliss that was about to descend upon them when the sassoo would finally die. And when the sassoo did pass away, the bahus had to orchestrate their weeping and wailing. What would the people in the 'biradari' or the society say if the sassoo's death was not mourned with loud wails over prolonged periods?
The family in my story had serious problems when the sassoo died. After a few months, the bahus threw off their yokes of misery and subservience and started to assert themselves. The sons found themselves driven to support their wives. The household broke up. The sassoo's tyranny had also been the cementing bond in the family. After her death, the bahus would have no reason to tolerate each other. The sons went to look for separate houses where they would live independently for the rest of their lives.
There was the slight problem of the surviving sasur, or the widowed father-in-law. Which of the sons were prepared to 'adopt' him? It was a life-long committment.
This is a real story but was brought to the surface when I read this case on the BBC website http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/5210060.stm.
For many 'working class' East African Asians who used to live in the "sakati", the communal compound or enclosure, the antics of the dominant sassoo made hilarious stories, though not for the seriously undermined 'bahoo' or the daughter-in-laws. In fact the sassoo was ever prevalent - she was not just a working class demon. The sassoo thrived on the functions and values of the extended family which gave her the power and the influence in every band of socio-economic Asian society in the East Africa that I remember. Only some sassoos used their power with control and led happier lives.
The sassoo was a political maestro. She made sure that her dominance was felt only by the daughter-in-law without creating any negative 'vibes' for the sasur, the father-in-law or for her sons. She was astute enough to ensure that her husband always saw her as the benevolent custodian of the family purse and welfare. She was the empress and the queen in equal measure. She was chief accountant and strategist without a business plan.
The sassoo was a psychological manipulator. She played on the fears and insecurities of the daughter-in-law. In one case, she ensured that where the daughter-in-law was driven to subservience by her inability to produce a male offspring; she acquired additional powers to extract favours and services from the daughter-in-law. The option of sending the young daughter-in-law back to India was always kept alive. The sassoo had considerable power over the son, who wanted a son and was prepared to send the helpless wife back to her parents. In another family, a replacement wad been known to have been procured in the form of the daughter-in-law's sister.
The sassoo was also a tyrant. She devised the domestic workplan for her 'labourers', the bahus.. Work was piled on to fill the time available to the bahu. It kept her out of mischief and ensured that she did not have the time to plot against the sassoo.
In one case, the sassoo had five sons. She would have a bath in the morning. She used to come into the sakati with her wet hair and immediately summon a daughter-in-law to dry her hair. Another 'slave' was deployed to massage her back and legs. A third girl was ordered to cook a light snack and sweet tea, while daughter-in-law number four was put in charge of all the children, including her co-bahus'. After lunch time, the sassoo was tired and needed a rest but before she fell asleep in the sun, she had a daughter-in-law put up a makeshift tent where she slept with well punctuated snoring. Daughter-in-law number five was the best cook. She had to prepare the evening meal on most evenings.
By late afternoon, the sassoo's operational regime started to change. She became benevolent. She urged her daughter-in-laws to go and have a wash, dress up very smartly and put on bright make-up for their husbands. She wanted her sons to see happy and cheerful wives. It was not out of order to issue a final reprimand to any bahu who had crossed her path. The worst punishment was suspense- will the sassoo complain to the sons about the deviant behaviour of their wives while they had been at work? Even worse was the husband's response. On some days he supported his wife by ignoring the sassoo. On most days, the son thought it appropriate to insult his wife in the sassoo's presence... there was always time to make up later in the night.
When the sassoo became ill, the bahus established a well co-ordinated nursing programme. All worked in shared contempt for the sassoo and many a time they caught each other thinking of the bliss that was about to descend upon them when the sassoo would finally die. And when the sassoo did pass away, the bahus had to orchestrate their weeping and wailing. What would the people in the 'biradari' or the society say if the sassoo's death was not mourned with loud wails over prolonged periods?
The family in my story had serious problems when the sassoo died. After a few months, the bahus threw off their yokes of misery and subservience and started to assert themselves. The sons found themselves driven to support their wives. The household broke up. The sassoo's tyranny had also been the cementing bond in the family. After her death, the bahus would have no reason to tolerate each other. The sons went to look for separate houses where they would live independently for the rest of their lives.
There was the slight problem of the surviving sasur, or the widowed father-in-law. Which of the sons were prepared to 'adopt' him? It was a life-long committment.
This is a real story but was brought to the surface when I read this case on the BBC website http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/5210060.stm.
posted by K Singh Ajimal at
11:50 pm
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