"The Last King of Scotland"

Another film about Idi Amin

This is the title of a new film about Idi Amin.

I have not seen it but the tail-end of a radio review that I managed to catch suggested that it is well made, with the actor who was playing Amin could well be in line for an Oscar nomination. Amin is not an easy character to portray on the screen and I guess the film has done well to attract such reviews. I would welcome some discussion on the film here.

I say that much as people try to ridicule Idi Amin and his throwaway one-liners and the easy aspects of his character, he remains a complicated person to play.

The film is shot partly in Kampala. It would be good to see scenes of my birthplace again.

However, one of the most harrowing memories that I have of my childhood is how we saw a dead body on the road to Entebbe Airport. It was being hit repeadtedly by passing cars travelling at such great speeds and those who did not see it in time had no chance of avoiding it. This goes back to 1971, a few months before the expulsion of the Asian community.

There was also a problem with law enforcement. A driver who was involved in an accident on Uganda's roads dared not stop after hitting anything - another person, a dog or a farm animal. A large collection of local people would converge on the accident spot in no time and provide summary rough justice. Many drivers who stopped after an accident were assaulted with vast compensations being demanded by the roadside at any time, even before the matter had been reported to the police.

The love for hot seats

Oh, how they love committees

Have you ever studied the constitution of an oldstyle Asian organisation?

• The constitution is like a tiger's footprint that experienced game wardens can 'read' to describe the age, weight and sex of the tiger that may be standing behind you in a safari park
• The constitution is like a blood sample. A medic can can analyse the blood and tell you a few things that your wife should not know about
• The constitution is like a wine in a bottle without a label. A trained wine merchant can taste a small amount of the product to tell you the age, source and other properties of the wine
• The constitution is not like a cover of a book. It cannot hide the story or provide an ending that you did not plan for.

Many years ago I had the joy of analysing constitutions of Asian societies, temples and cultural organisations. The aims and objectives often bore little or no relationship to the work being carried out by the people. The choice of vocabulary took you straight into the dying moments of the British Raj in India. You could feel the tensions and strife that could erupt if the clauses in the document were not followed. In other words, the constitutions were used to closely define the do's and dont's of the organisation to the extent that you felt safer by staying away.

Then there was the regular problem of understanding the positions in their committee structure. The positions were created to fill the demand for seats by aspiring leaders who could not contribute unless and until they had a title to define their role. However, the status of the aspirants outside the committee detemined the title they were awarded in the committee. So, far from having a person as an ordinary member of the committee, their position in society warranted that they should be appointed as fourth deputy assistant secretary general. It made sure that the person's mind was in perfect focus at all times and that in the event of any open-ended task required urgent action, his status as a secretary precluded him from serving as anything else.

You had to remember that the fourth assistant secretary general could be needed at any time especially if the first three assistant secretary generals had gone somewhere else. You also had to remember that the fourth assistant treasurer could not be asked to help post some urgent mailing about an event. That was the role of the public relations officer or any of his six assistants.

I think I have made my point but I forgot to tell you my title. In general the constitution also told you what the organisation was not! It told you that there was no trust amongst the members, that competition for recognition was rife, that the six treasury roles only had to account for a budget that was less than £500 per year. It was a committee structure with a lot of Chiefs and no Indians.

Jokes aside, this preoccupation with status has had an impact on social and community organisations. Leaders had been described as 'gatekeepers' who decided that there was no problem with high blood pressure in their community, their children were not malnourished or susceptible to abuse, that the women did not need help in dealing with depression. You had to be aware at all times that there was no mental illness in the Asian community. Our social and familial institutions worked so well that mental illness did not have a chance to take root.

All this evidence could not be ignored. It had the wonderful effect of ensuring that the Asian organisations ruled themselves ineligible for grant aid. I leave you to work out the rest but are you sure that you can manage that task without an official title?

Freedom of the pen... I mean keyboard

Flashbacks

“Ah was angry but a was only joking, you know. I did not say to these Asians, ‘Now you must go, go now….now!,” He is reported to have been saying in his sleep. “If you want to talk about axepulseans, listen to me” he thought. It was nanni, Moses who was also expelled. Do you remember the story of Moses? He was the man in the cinema who had stopped the waters of River Nile. The waters had actually been separated. Eeeeh! Only the feesh could jump from one side to another. Those feesh were clever, you know.

Anda, I remember how the Asians walked through the river. Moses was a British agent. He did not separate the waters of the Nile. The British gave him varray, varray large plastic sheets. He used those sheets to separate the watars. Moses was Israeli. That is why I asked them to leave as well. Amin slowly fell asleep. The electric fan had also stopped working and a persistent mosquito flew slowly around his ear, like an aircraft encircling the Ngorongoro crater. “Thees moskito, ah must speak to Mr Singh”.

There is some truth in this...

The Sikh Temple in Kampala

The next day, Amin decided that he had to go the Sikh temple in Kampala to find Mr Singh. He arrived at the temple with a peaceful demeanour. “I am looking for Mr Singh” he announced with a pleasant smile, turning his head a little at the caretaker, just as he started to climb the stairs leading to the first level.

“You are looking for Mr Singh? Which Mr Singh, Mr President, because that is the name for all of us!” suggested the new acting third vice-president of the Sikh temple, who had joined the scene. “I am looking for Mr Singh” Amin retorted. “ I am looking for Mr Singh- elektirician”. It was no use, the Sikh leader decided. A way had to be found to deal with Idi Amin. “I am looking for Mr Singh who fixed the lights in my bathroom. I did not axepeyll him, you know?”.
The people of Uganda bore the brunt of Idi’s stupidity. Or so the Asians think to this day. However, was this a case of self-imposed self-importance? Very little has been written about the exact reaction of the Ugandans after the Asians left. Did they celebrate as they had walked into Asian homes? Did they have any concern when they helped themselves to Asian shops? Was there a civil administration which took charge and distributed the loot? We will never know.

By the way, why did I refer to the 'third vice president' of the Sikh temple in Amin's flashback? Well, the majority of the Sikhs had left the country and there were just about enough men left behind to fill the key posts.

Bear with me please. I am hooked!

Mirror, mirror on the wall…

So it was the people of Uganda that really mattered. They looked up to us. They have been through a very hard time after Amin. They deserve our respect and understanding. Dara’s outburst had sent the Indian packing home but did not resolve the issue. Why should the antics of a mad man cause such a rift in our minds?

Idi Amin was approaching his bedroom. It had been a tiring day. They were saying in the streets that the Asians had started leaving…"Why do these fakkas want to leave so suddenly?” he asked himself. " I had only told them very casually that they could leave if they did not want to integrate!” Amin then looked at himself in his bathroom mirror. He stood back with horror when he saw a grey face looking at him with steam coming out of its ears. Amin was terrified. He looked again and saw that the face had been smiling at him. “Heh, Heh! That pictcha is meeh,” he concluded meekly.

Suddenly he shouted, “Where is the Singha-Singha?” meaning his Sikh fundi – the techie or wizard who had looked after the house. “That bugger can repair anything. He knows, I mean everyyythnig, everything- electrics, plumbing, car mechanics and radios” thought Amin,
“But he has not fixed my bathroom light”. And now this face in the mirror was making faces at him. Amin shouted for help. A night watchman came slowly to the door. Amin turned around and shouted,"I asked for Mr Singh, not you. Now go and get him”. Idi Amin’s respect for the Sikh had led him to address his favourite fixer as “Mr Singh”.

The guard replied,” Sah, the singh mann has gone. He left for India two days ago”. Amin was full of rage. He had not expelled Mr Singh…why did he go as well? Amin was convinced that the Sikh had been brainwashed by the British. They had lured him away with promises of land outside London. Noh, I have an idea, he thought.

How I witnessed a bit of crossfire

The People of Uganda matter to us

My friend, also from Uganda, was rather annoyed by my constant reminder that it was the people of Uganda who mattered then as they do now. I had been saying that the antics of a mad man must never be allowed to create a rift between us and the people of Uganda who loved us so much. “Loved us? What are you talking about? Where have you been?” He challenged me. Ah well, its time to explain I think.

I am also reminded of a curt remark made by an Indian who worked with me in Zambia. “Most of the Ugandan Asians,” he remarked,” were sons of coolies”. The Asians, in his view, had no identity and no culture. “On the other hand, my father was a Rai Bahadur” he said. “That was his reward for working hard during the Raj and, not only that, mind you, he was working at the highest level in the administration”. My friend Dara Singh was also there. “Oi shaitan”, he said,” Be careful, don’t celebrate the raj too much. I am warning you”. The man from India was not to be subdued. How could anyone overlook his father’s achievements in India? Dara asked,” Do you know why your father was rewarded by the English?” The Indian said, “I have told you already,” sensing that Dara was brewing something. Dara was quiet for a few seconds and then blurted it out,” Your father was an arse-licker. He had served the angrez with such passion that that they rewarded him with a title”. Dara was not to be challenged. He was big and powerfully built just as his namesake, the Dara Singh who was India’s top wrestler.

The nostalgia is overpowering, but nah!

Why East Africa is losing its charm for some Wahindis

Gosh! I have been away for far too long... I must write more regularly. My sincere apologies to at least one regular reader who complained today!

"The nostalgia is overpowering, but nah!" said my friend. " Who wants to go back to Uganda and why, tell me why, after those ------- threw us out of the country when we were doing our best".

Here in lies a problem. Who should be angry and with whom? It was Idi Amin who expelled the Asians- lock, stock and barell. It was "the Dada" who exercised all his powers vested in him by the State. It is likely, if you try to read Amin's mind as the events unfolded between August and October 1972, that Amin stood in front of a mirror and said," Look, you. I mean 'you'. You have axepelledd those muhindees single handed." Power can be very reassuringly sweet if you are an Idi. You can expell the Asians with no problem about accountability. The mind of the dictator works with alarming detachment, almost in the same way as you drive a car whilst you are drunk. You know where you are going but the detail does not matter. You do not even notice that the person who was trying to stop you was a policeman.

Idi looked into the mirror and saw a very hazy figure. "Noh, it kannot be meeeh", he reprimanded himself. He stood there for a while. Then he looked around and noticed that the lighting in the room was very dull. "Must get those fakking fundis to repair the lights" he thought. Fundi, the techie was the clever Asian who used to fix his lights. " I am telling you thees" said Amin. " I am telling youh, we kaynot be in the duck just becos the muhindi has goan" he reassured himself.

The axepelled Asians who went to make their homes in the UK, US, Canada and elsewhere have fond memories of Uganda. They remember their childhoods there. They recall how they had made so many plans to work there, make the best of their lives and their dreams. The entreprenurial ones think how the Idi-o-tic Amin robbed them in their prime. The older ones who did not know that they were 'pensioners' until they realised that Idi Amin had cheated them by defining them by their age. Also, looking after old parents was no problem for the average Asian family. In fact, there was an element of virtue attached to it old parents must be looked after. This was in the Hindu scriptures. No, you must not ever deny your parents. There was the story of Sarwan puttar, ie Sarwan the docile son who had carried both in his parents together during his journey through life. Sarwan was the model son that evry Asian parent wanted.

The East African experience does matter to the axepelled muhindis...they have not lost their love and affection for the people of those countries. They still remember their childhoods in those countries with a tear in their eyes. It is their children who were born and bred in the new countries of UK, USA and Europe who have no interest in Uganda. After 34 years, Idi's refugees who left in their prime in 1972 are dead, dying or getting old.

My friend concludes,"Uganda is history. Kenya is sunk with corruption. Tanzania made a mockery of itself by adopting those stupid doctrines under Nyerere."

I am lost. I must respond to this in the future.

By the way, my friend meant "buggers" when he referred to them as -------. Have you noticed how so many Asian people use this vocabulary without knowing its real meaning?